Travesty, today; forever.

Oh you can pretend to fill a room
With three great artists’ paintings,

Straighten the plush Turkish carpet
On your marble topped floor

You can stroke the red mahogany desk
And arrange your Mesopotamian relics
Stack Kurosawa films
In your brand new DVD floor
Decorate your wall covering bookshelf
With hard bound names
Live a finer life
Away from the mundane.

But you cannot take me in
Where puddles have no names.

Push the right buttons
Hum the right tune
Beat in steady rhythm
Assembly products fume

But you cannot envelop me
In this endless ruin.
But you cannot expect me
To believe the farce soon.

Ice, Spice and everything nice

I ate raindrops today. Frozen drops, each a different flavour. The sparkle in the air was diamond dust today. We flew with the glass pixies and smelled freshly cut grass when the gnomes threw it in the air. Blue was my colour, our colour. Gentle realisation that it would rain. Wild laughter and today was green again. Why do I see double today? Maybe seeing double is good. Double fun. What's life without a little make-believe.

Forever

So many things. So many things. Deep within this whirlwind, there is always this central calm. They worship this thing. This thing they cannot name, cannot feel, and cannot touch. This thing that is too pure for them to approach and they shield their weak eyes against its blinding glare. Its happy, this thing. The naked ones play with it, jumping around it for it is their home. They're unaware of the lookers-on, for they're surrounded by the light and gurgle at each other happily everytime one of them shows off another trick. The raw ones keep catching glimpses of them dancing inside, and they grin at their glee and weave the whirlpool closely around. They extend their hands to the timid ones further away; they're afraid, and need encouragement. Some of the timid ones suddenly turn weak and greedily shove their hands into the light. They're immediately thrown back, they cry in agony and join the wretched ones who cry unhappily at what they've lost. The fair ones keep walking impatiently in concentric circles waiting for a chance. They perform complicated calculations, rub vigorously at the one error that seems to undo all their previous maneouvres and put their heads together to come up with new and fast ways to work towards an end they cannot want. A few lie unaware; the wind is a constant occurence, and they don't seem to notice it too much. They're happy; they've learnt to play poker well and laugh at each other every time one of them fouls up. They're well in their own world now to notice when the wind picks up or dies down, when the light shines brighter than it ever did before and beckons them in a momentary glimmer. They play poker well, and they're happy, and it is good. Because they're satisfied, and isn't that ultimately what all of us are striving for? Today there are newer ones, they dance with timid ones, yet look down at them with the strongest of contempt the minute their backs are turned. They drink to the health of the poker players, lech at the timid ones and encourage the futile attempts of the fair ones while bating their breath everytime they shade their eyes towards the light. Sometimes the whirlwind stops, everything gets rattled; the fair ones seem to slide towards one end, along with their chalk dusters and slates. They cling on to the surprisingly stationary timid ones, and the moment the wind sets to normal, they shudder when they see who they've been clutching and let go and abruptly scramble to collect their scattered pencils. The poker players, momentarily disturbed, look up, and then go back to their game. Very rarely one of them get up to ask for a light from one of the raw ones, and don't come back. The raw ones are proud and also somewhere scared. Scared to become one of them. And they ultimately do become one of them if they're weak enough to tremble at the possibility. The wind goes on howling and sometimes things change. But its rare when the wind actually stops. A hush falls then, and depending on what happens, the wind howls or moans.

Vicious Circle

People believe what they want to believe. She suddenly went cold. She needed to go back home. The wind was strong and she'd forgotten her muffler again.

Over coffee they talked about things. Things were calmer inside and if you concentrated on your cup, you couldn't hear the windowpanes rattle. The water was seeping in from the verandah. Strange, she had always thought the house being on the second floor would prevent this danger. They quickly stuffed rags underneath the doorways, which were instantly soaked. They would do for now, anyway. It had been a pleasant day, before the storm began. They had giggled at the first fat drops of water that splotched neatly on top of their noses. The skies had warned them before they set out, but they'd ignored the clouds and proudly declared it sunny. It's strange how people believe what they want to believe.

Button A Button B

Things happen. One minute you're up, and the sun shines and the next you dive into a cloud, and everything’s dark and wet. The sun's still shining for someone else and you're struggling to get out of the cloud, but you can't see anything. Then as suddenly as before, you're out, it's hot, the sun is in your face. Everything's perfectly panned out for you; the going is good, you're lucky. It's the swinging sixties for you and you're too deaf in the music to stop. Brakes screech and you've hit the car you didn't see coming. It starts raining suddenly and the angry driver is forced to retreat hastily to his car. Reverse, reverse left reverse, first gear, reverse, reverse, first gear. And the moment you step out you're drenched. To the skin. And you run with the six year olds in the rain, pretending to look for shelter when you actually aren't. Sometimes I wish I could multitask again. Sometimes I feel freer this way.

There comes times when you need to clam up. There are times when you need to do your own thing. It’s unfair to people around you. But they seem to understand. There are times when the right thing to do and the thing you want seem to be as far away from each other as possible. There is no compromise, and you have you choose this way or that. Is it okay to lie if it’s for the good? If telling the truth would just complicate matters for others and make them more miserable? If things you say cannot have a consequence and it’s better to lie resolutely to make things better?

Sometimes, while walking back from a game, there are people standing silently in corners. You pass by them, deep in your own world, and they quietly look on. When you were scoring a goal, they screamed the loudest, except you didn't hear their shouts. When you high fived the jumping figure in the stands, all you heard were their words and all you saw was their smile. Everything else was blocked out. You're tired, and they come forward to smile at you, except you look through them. Their smiles falter, and they relapse back to standing alone, near the same bin that you carefully aimed your used towel to. You fumble with a bag, they run towards you to help, but you're already up and sprinting towards home, and they're left back to walk alone, again. They call out softly to you sometimes, but you're listening to the cd that was just burnt for you and can't hear. You sleep, you're exhausted, but you still run out eagerly when you hear the honk you've been waiting for. You spritz on your favourite cologne and look self consciously into your mirror before meeting your love, and yap excitedly about everything that you did to one of your team mates. You walk out groggily in that shirt you slept in and brush past the silent figures. You look up, you have nothing to do, you recognise them, you say hello. They talk about things you never knew existed and when you walk back, you wonder. And then you remember that you have to finish a friend's work and hurry back home. And you forget them, again. Why do they still stand there, when you walk out next? Why do they still care? Why don't they find their own pool, and make you miss them instead? Why do they still stand, those silent 'friends'?

Memory, tonight. Sometimes.

Everything comes back now. That evening, when you wore that dress. You sparkled, every time you laughed. We played that song over and over, while everyone around us laughed. You dazzled that night. You laughed while I whispered words only meant for you. You punched me on my chest, and I held your hand there, until you self consciously snatched it away. We pledged forever that evening, even as you walked away with him on your arm. I knew you, I loved you. You blew me a kiss while he started the engine. I was left wistful as my guests walked away, throwing me secret smiles. They all knew, they all saw. But you chose to walk away. Now I shiver. My forever was you.

I hum the same tune now, except it’s for someone else. I still think of that evening, until she screams from the waves and asks me to come to her. I shake my head, and jog to where she stands. She taught me to love the water, and now it laps up to my ankles while another wave sprays me with the fresh fragrance that I have come to love. The rocks are slippery, and we hold each other’s hands and gaze at the miles of water in front of us. It is getting late, and we should get back, but I can’t leave now. We stand silently, until she turns to me and asks softly, what were you thinking right then, back there? I’m confused for a moment to be found out like this. Like a guilty child, I try covering up with awkward explanations. She shushes me with a gentle stroke. She looks towards the water again, and I look at her. She knows nothing. And yet she does. I lose her, eventually. Now I come to the water alone. And think of nothing.

Rarely

Some things are more important than anything else. Some things are worth fighting for. Some things change the way you decide to live. Some things need to be believed in and no amount of rationale can really rattle your determination. Nothing that you have said, or done, or thought can be compared to these things. They exist on their own, and drawing a comparison kills these things. Some things are too independent and important to work on them with old tried and tested methods. They slip out and you're left clutching air. These things come suddenly, without warning and stay only long enough for you to recognize them. They disappear if you try to allot a room to them or chew it like you always have. These things don't stay. Unless you embrace them without caution. These things are risky, but every bit worth it.

Green

Look around today. You went to the amusement park. You met your friends. You met them. You didn't expect them, but on the spur of the moment you decided to go say hi. They looked at you, half quizzically. And smiled. A delirious group screamed as their roller coaster suddenly plunged downwards. The spectators laughed, some anxious parents looked up with tight nervous smiles and waved to their twelve year old. As you talked, you discovered something had changed. You spotted Barny and clicked pictures together. Instinct made you climb onto the new ride you hadn't wanted to try. You were with them, and you chattered on. You laughed and held on to each other as your hair blew wildly. You held on to each other as you walked off, groggily. They bought you ice cream, and you commented on how thin they have grown. You remembered a foolish inside joke but kept silent. And heard them crack the same joke a few seconds later. You looked up, and looked away. As you walked back home, you were silent. They talked, and you nodded. Then it rained. Just like it should have. You smiled.

You still have the picture framed, alongside the other pictures. You decided to put it in the new wooden frame he had given you. You are laughing at the camera, and Barny looks silly now. But they changed the picture for you. Things change.

It’s raining here. Come out, if you won't catch a cold. Don't come if you shiver at the thought of the sheets of rain slapping your skin. Each time it hits you, you can’t wince. The wind has whipped up and come if you can survive. Come if you won’t be blown away, or if you don’t have to bow your head against the wind in order to pass. You can’t run for shelter, you can’t cover your head with your hands and shrink within yourself in apprehension. If you come, come with your head uncovered, with your heart light and your senses awakened. You can’t come here if you whimper when the hails fall. The skies have opened up today and the gods test us. We need the bravest and the strongest. You all, who are weak, you know. Stay away, and let us win this.

:D

Yay !! I did all the tests in Nishant's blog and lookie !! Fun !!!!!!



Wow. I'm evil.

You Are 40% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

I hated this one. Stupid questions

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You tend to take more than give in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

That sounds so cool !! Yay ! I'm a tortured genius !! Yay !

You Are 91% Tortured Genius

You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood.Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island.

Are You a Tortured Genius?

This is bloody fake ! It changed everytime !! Outrage !! Nishant, you were Capatain Winky when I tried yours. You like it better ?

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Venus Vegas

What's" Your Porn Star Name?

Apparently, I can. Muhahahaha *evil Mojo Jojo laughter*

You Can Make 88% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You

Admit it, you can seduce practically anyone. And sometimes you try just for fun.You're a total heartbreaker that knows when to play it cool. You are the type of person people go completely lovesick over. Just use your powers for good, okay?

Can You Make Anyone Fall in Love With You?

This kind of... sucks. *tortured expression*

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Romeo + Juliet

"Has my heart loved 'till now? Forswear it, sight! For I never saw a true beauty 'till this night."

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

Kyaa baat. Sixer.

Your Personality Is Like Heroin

You're capable of the highest highs and the lowest lows.Addicted to feeling good, you'll do almost anything to avoid pain.People seek you out, even though you can be quite moody. They're hooked on you!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Umm. I've tasted alcohol twice. Does that count as serious drinking? Baap re. I'm a connoisseur and all. Bow down, ye all :P

You Are a Bloody Mary

You're a fairly serious drinker, who's experimented a lot with different drinks.You're a drunk, but a stable drunk. You don't ever let your drinking get out of control.

What Mixed Drink Are You?

This one kept changing too. Sucks. The coolest one was Lady of Whores though. Though Lucia of the Night wasn't too bad either. Or Concubine of the Vile, Antionette the Bloodthirsty, Violet of the Devil's Spawn, Seductress of New Orleans and High Priestess the Demented. :D

Your Vampire Name Is...

Veronique of New Orleans

What's" Your Vampire Name?

This was fun. I want more :) :)

What if it all is an illusion? What if everything is a figment of my imagination, a precarious card house, trembling lest a gust of wind should come and blow it all away? Maybe none of it actually does exist. Maybe its just words that I scrabble to string together to convince myself that the sequence that forms is what you meant them to form. Maybe I read too much into things; things that don't exist, things that never will exist.
I could forge ahead and pretend to see it all, to gather together strands and weave them together to form a shimmering patchwork. I could run with all my might, keeping aside all uncertainties of the dirt road. I could not bother about slipping and sliding in the mud strewn all over the path. I could pretend to be confident. And then fall flat on my face.
Something keeps telling me that it’s not only me who sees it, that you see it too, except you cover it clumsily with half hearted lies and cruel euphemisms. That you are too careful, too unsure and so unwilling to risk something important to you. That you're too used to being wary to actually jeopardize things. As for me, I'm just afraid. Maybe because you lie too often.