Everytime.

It's a pretty feeling, this. When you look at a rotting apple and your nose scrunches in disgust and then the slow realisation where you look at it in wonder and realise that it has seeds. Which breathe.

Clean

I have a picture. It was taken last year in February. I've just come back from the conti the juniors threw us, and its about two am or so. Baba's wearing my sash and crown and looking at me, with his glasses askew. Ma, bleary eyed (the only one who learnt to follow the "early-to-bed-etc-etc-etc" rhyme) is the photographer. Though the combined truth about her sleepy countenance and photography 'skills' have resulted in quite a funny angle of the photograph in question. Behind us is the big wall covering bookshelf, which is, at the very least, diagonal. I'm staring at the lens with a wide smile, baba has just said something that has caused it, and the result is like that of a moment frozen in time, a giddiness in the air, that presses itself sharply as I look at the picture, over a year later. It makes me laugh. Aloud and clear, again and again.

My seduction style ? :O

WHAT ????

Clenched

Slowly, the moments slip,
Slowly, the potion drips,
Unhurriedly, bit by bit.
While I moodily sit

Restraining and waiting
To let go of restrain
Controlled refrain,
Or uncontrolled release.

Phew... And the epiphany that comes with it.

Lately everything was getting to me. REAL bad. Random, transitory things that seemed horribly permanent infuriated me. Things that I could handle, had been handling for years suddenly seemed terribly tedious and tiring. Arbitrary things that would make me lose my cool and snap at every living creature who so much as joked around with me. I was suddenly this tart, acerbic female who couldn’t handle fleeting situations that needed almost no effort. I could no longer mechanically distance myself from harmlessly meant acts that should have excited no other response than amused laughter or indulgent rejoinders. It was exactly that; I could no longer be mechanical anymore. I was tired, almost tragically defeated in a way. Except it made me angry, and so it was anything but heartrending, or the like. It was annoying, and cumbersome. I wasn’t used to feeling that way, I had no right to. And yet I was, and it puzzled me no end. And suddenly, yesterday, I snapped out of it. Like that. Over a chance remark. It was bizarre. But thankfully now I feel more in control, and powerful. And it feels good, and I value it more, now that I’ve seen how it is to be the other way. Control lost can be quite sucky.

What glee

It's nice to have a sister in college. And she's older and nice. And actually fun. Right from the time she started relating stuff about the college, the teachers, the atmosphere, she got me psyched. Enough to make me choose an all-girls college, which wasn't exactly my idea of a 'proper' college. Sure, it was LSR, but... It was not part of the campus, NO guys... NO campus life... NO going-to-other-college-canteens-everyday. All the way to the other end of the city to watch a decent college play. No momos point, no Kamla Nagar, no chhole-waalla, no free transport. But I was still psyched to go to college--for she got me to be.
I entered college knowing she would be there, knowing I always had her if I ended up with first-year jitters. It was because of her that I went for the department trip, because of her that I wasn't intimidated by the presence of all my seniors (like I've always unfortunately been), because of her that I eased in to college life. I was happy, and eager, because her presence in college was, somehow, always comforting. Though I barely saw her each day, it was the security of having her around, somewhere in the other English rooms, or about the college, that made me breathe easy. Every time I was uncertain about something that was happening in college, I always had the assurance in the back of my mind, "Oh, I'll call Koyel up."
She was the first person to make me feel wanted in a new place, in the midst of unfamiliar walls and unfamiliar faces. Though I did make my own set of friends, and fit into my new environment without any hiccups, it was the security of having her to fall back on that made the transition so fluid. And even though I've found, like all the others have, the joys of keema samosa, M-block, sev-puri waalla, rickshaws where everyone's fare unfailingly always comes to a nice round figure of five rupees, even then her presence carries much more joy to me than any of these.
More than the need of someone like her to be around is the assurance that she is, indeed, around. The functional aspect of having her near is grossly overshadowed by the simple perception of her presence.

Sun (s)peeks

For days I halted, living in surrender,
For days I paid homage to the offender,
Now I rise,
For I despise,
Not warming them when I promised I’ll render.

Tagged :)

I tiptoe in, as my heart most violently ticks,
My rasping voice adds to the scary fix,
My knees, they wobble,
Brain reduced to cobble,
Trembling, I write my first limericks.




Thanks, Rudy :)

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Talk about ego boosters. Two tests, what results !! What knaats ! What tangles ! What rubbish, i say ! Entre Pondre !!!!!!! (sorry i just HAD to say that)


Congratulations!
Hello, Wizard. There are many types of magic, but all require a sharp mind and a cool head. There is no puzzle you can't solve, no problem you can't think your way out of. When anyone feels confused or uncertain, they can always rely on you to untangle the knots and put everything back in order for them. Yes. I WISH. Character Stats: Rogue (14) Warrior (5)Wizard (22) Paladin (11)

Your Profile:You're intelligent, educated, and just a bit superior to everyone you know. I am ?? Bah. If you're still in school, you probably make A's, if you're not too bored to waste the effort. Yeah, that's what i used to say to feel better about myself. Gah. If you work, your annoying boss relies on you to solve the problems no one else can figure out. You've never met a puzzle you can't solve. *incredulous look* WHAT ?? When it comes to leisure, you'd rather read, play a strategy game, or surf the 'Net than run around getting sweaty. You're talking to the hopping queen here. I ALWAYS want to get all hot and sweaty; it's a childhood inclination. You're a brainiac, and you're not ashamed to admit it.Above all, you're a mastermind and a great thinker. Muhahaha... I so love the guy who's written this... Poor thing You see the unknown as territory to be conquered, and the mysterious as something to be systematically unraveled. You don't have time for fools; you only spend your time with people who can comprehend your obfuscatory convolutions. Now THIS is downright despicable. Is it supposed to be a virtue ? You enjoy amassing knowledge, both useful and trivial. Finally, maybe some truth.

Your Mission: I have a MISSION ?? Huh ? You were put on this earth to enlighten people. Ohhhh... They will listen to you, because they are impressed by your vocabulary, your erudition, and your ability to grasp concepts that invariably elude them. Ha. Ha ha. HA HA HA HA HA. You are the one who has to figure things out, because let's face it - you're the only one smart enough. *more laughter* Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to Discover Something. Something small, or something big. What? I mean, WHAT ?? Find an unknown insect in your own backyard. Discover a cure for sunburn. Develop a faster way to get the dishes done. Calculate the number of molecules in the Andromeda galaxy. Discover a comet. Discover SOMETHING.And do make it a priority. No... Nononononono... You've gotten the wrong "discoverer". Sheesh !! The Famous Adventurer of Silmaria has a crystal ball trained on you, and will be noting your progress. Wah wah !!

A Warning:Try to remember: you're not infallible. If people around you are all nodding and smiling, it may just be because they don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about. Check your facts and admit the possibility that even you can make mistakes. Loosen up. Make friends with a Rogue and have him or her try to poke holes in your theories. LOL !!!!!!! Who knows; you might actually have fun.On another note - making plans and formulating theories can be quite stimulating, but at some point, you are going to have to actually DO something. Employ a Warrior, if necessary, to put your brilliant schemes into action. Just be sure your instruction manual is written in very small words. Rogue ? Warrior ?? Eee kaun sab hai bhaiyya ??


This one's even better. I cannot BELIEVE this. Go on... Laugh



The Priss Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLDf)
Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss. Hehehehe... I loved the "excuse me". I can picture that... Except i can only see myself caricaturing that, at the very most. Hehe. Prisses are the smartest of all female types. YAY !! *wink wink* You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. More YAY ! You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. Well, it IS not a word. Accept it. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy. THIS, i REALLY wish. These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. Yuck. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. YUCK. If only more of them lived up to your standards. Haha... Yeah, totally :)
Your exact opposite:The Playstation Random Gentle Sex Master HAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!
You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Kya ?? MOI ?? Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. Come again ? You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing. This is officially shit. ALWAYS AVOID: The Playboy, The Loverboy CONSIDER: The Manchild Uff... I'm bored.


Yes. I know. I will NOT take online tests again. Or... Maybe i will... Just for kicks ;) Cheers... !!

:)

Today, in the bus, I saw this little boy who was an assistant conductor. He would jump and order others about and would be affectionately humoured; it was generally fun watching and listening to him. It made me feel old for not being able to jump on people’s laps. After a few minutes of despondent longing, this small girl got on the bus. She was tiny, wearing a salwar kameez. The boy looked at the girl. I looked at the boy. I laughed. That was the end of my yearning. Funny, how things happen.

Chin up.

You have no idea what makes me happy. I like sitting in the sun. I like it when little kids drop nayantara blossoms onto my lap. I like listening to the parched earth hungrily sucking in the rain. And then the fragrance of the newly wet earth. I like it when something reminds me of a long forgotten incident. I like dancing in the aangan of my ancestral house in Calcutta as my old grandmothers look on, laughing. I like seeing them laugh. I like it when i accidentally catch a telecast of Burning Train on tv. I like the smell of freshly shampooed hair. I like it when Koshi bakes for me. I like it when Nisha jumps on my stomach to wake me up at obscene hours of the morning, however cranky i act about it. I like it when people do sudden acts of kindness entirely on their own. I like the taste of clear water after drinking Calcutta's drinking water. I like coming back home after staying away, even if it was for a day. I like the way Baba wakes me up, every morning. I like the way Anu's eyes light up when she sees me coming back from college. I like it when Siddharth comes running from far and catches me by the waist. I like laughing hysterically over something that only we can understand. I like the sun finally gracing us with it's presence after months of winter. I like cutting my nails. I like exhaling air that looks like smoke in winter and the way Pari says, "Your stomach's on fire, that's why !!" I like playing Scrabble. I like re-reading my Tintins. I like it when two of my favourite cousins land up unexpectedly and hijack me. I like listening to "Dekha jo tujhe yaar dil mein baji guitar." I like to see the yellow sun. It reminds me of what ma once told me about it. I like it when Dada remembers to bring the imli toffees they give you in planes, everytime when he's back. I like it when Parth calls me his shining star, however embarassing it is. I like dancing to Secret by Maroon 5 when I'm alone. I think Bikimax can cheer me up almost anytime. There is obviously more. But you don't deserve to know about them. Not anymore.

I found a way. It was quite easy, really. All i have to do is say it. Out loud. And its reality. Its unburdening. And not as complicated.

When i went 'whack!'

Smiling at times with a song on my lips
Conjuring dreams in as many minutes I live
Drunk in happiness, intoxicating thoughts
Loving every minute every little thought
Dancing madly, running amuck
Laughing at silly things I love
Talking nonsensically till I make you dizzy
This is me, this is me when I’m giddy
Come run with me
Come lets dance
Singing as loud
As is my wont
Scaling new heights
Of escalating highs
Yes I am, I am drunk

Cheers !!

Wow... i have a LOT to write about... I'm tripping over my tongue to write everything down... But shit shit no time :(
WIll pakka do this tomorrow... Oh MAN... Funny !! I hope i remember half the stuff !!

I am loved. Wow, it's such a good feeling *contented sigh*

Works for me.

Have you ever seen masons working with cement? When the work is almost done, they mix a gray cement and sand with water and plaster it on the constructed/repaired portion. Then they use this block of wood to smoothen it. They do it so lovingly, as if caressing the cement and the water. It's slow work and they begin from one end and work towards the other. Somehow it's very soothing to watch it. During my Xth boards, they were constructing this parking lot over what once used to be our playground. As the sun would beat down, they would keep smoothening the surface with cement. And when each individual square would finish, they would take a break. It was so satisfying to see each square perfectly smoothened. Then the dark wet cement would dry and turn a slight gray colour. Weirdly fascinating.

CRAYONS

I have always loved crayons. Every other kind of painting equipment was tough to use. Crayons were easy. So I used crayons. They come in all colours. In rough paper, they smudge and smear. It is fun. Then they sometimes leave an oily feeling in your fingers. Have you ever smelled them? Then sharpening crayons is one more fun thing. When you crush those little shaved things in between your fingers, they leave little stains in your hands. Very artistic you will look. I like seeing scattered crayons too. They can be especially inviting. When you are angry, or impatient, you can rub the crayon vigorously on the paper. When you're more calm, or lazy, you can draw meaningless delicate lines all over the sheet of paper. Somehow, drawing with crayons always makes me want to sing... Lalalalala... Haha... Try crayons.

College is my antidote

I feel so much cleaner right now. So much purer… Truer… Happier ? I love this feeling. I feel like an open book… Without complications… Like life is really worth living... Living like this… It draws me, this feeling… I feel free, somehow… I will dance. Chin up and jubilantly so.

Your due

Once, when we were kids, we made a cake for you in the mud. But before you could see it, my hand accidentally hit it and a part of it broke off. I was screamed at by the bully. You saved me. Thank you.