Phew... And the epiphany that comes with it.

Lately everything was getting to me. REAL bad. Random, transitory things that seemed horribly permanent infuriated me. Things that I could handle, had been handling for years suddenly seemed terribly tedious and tiring. Arbitrary things that would make me lose my cool and snap at every living creature who so much as joked around with me. I was suddenly this tart, acerbic female who couldn’t handle fleeting situations that needed almost no effort. I could no longer mechanically distance myself from harmlessly meant acts that should have excited no other response than amused laughter or indulgent rejoinders. It was exactly that; I could no longer be mechanical anymore. I was tired, almost tragically defeated in a way. Except it made me angry, and so it was anything but heartrending, or the like. It was annoying, and cumbersome. I wasn’t used to feeling that way, I had no right to. And yet I was, and it puzzled me no end. And suddenly, yesterday, I snapped out of it. Like that. Over a chance remark. It was bizarre. But thankfully now I feel more in control, and powerful. And it feels good, and I value it more, now that I’ve seen how it is to be the other way. Control lost can be quite sucky.