Because you'll never read this and you'll never know this.

And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders

Catching things and eating their insides

Like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?

Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head

(I miss you, miss you)

Ugh.

Spitball.

Amusement.

At the pretense of it all.

Anger.

At the nonchalant attempt to appear human.

Rage.

At the utter remorselessness.

Incredulity.

At the actual achievement of self-delusion.

Wonder.

At how one lives like that.

Need.

To forget.

***

Can't seem to resist one (hopefully) last potshot at this.

Knowing yourself and actually believing what you know are two vastly different milestones. One you have always known, the other you may never reach.

Words are pretty. And they make covering up a lot easier. I'm sorry, but I will never again, ever, "understand".